Last weekend Joc and I met in the city of Esteli and traveled to Somoto Canyon together in Madriz, Nicaragua. In a word, the trip was unfreakingbelievable. Yes, that was just one word.
When we arrived in beautiful Somoto, Madriz, we went into town to try and find the hotel that I had found online. We went in, and the lady told us it would be 300 cords for the both of us (about 15 bucks). I said that I had found this place on the internet, and it had said it was only 5 bucks a person, and that included breakfast. Then she looked at me like “internet??” I asked if this rip off she was charging us included breakfast, and she said no. After a drawn out staring contest, we said fine, but just for one night, we’d look for other accommodations later. We settled into our cell, then went into town to run some errands. We also stopped by a shockingly nice little hotel in town to see if they had any room for us. We asked for the cheapest room, and it only had one bed. We said we’d take it. Before we knew it, every staff member of the hotel was surrounding us, clarifying that yes, we are two people, and yes, we want one room. And yes, we are aware that one room only has one bed. And then everyone teased us and making gay jokes. We explained that the issue was simply the price, and that in fact we were sisters (all white people look alike, right?), not that it was any business of theirs anyway. The price was the same as the other hotel, but it was much nicer and didn’t have “World’s Creepiest Tour Guide EVER”. We continued with our errands and returned to hotel #1. We were both laying on our beds talking when “World’s Creepiest Tour Guide EVER” entered. He stood in the doorway with his cereal killer smile just staring, not saying anything. We had some small talk, but Joc and I still had no idea who this person was. Finally he said that he was the tour guide for the hotel, and he led people through tours in the Canyon. And then he repeated himself an embarrassing amount of times until finally we had to get pushy right back and say “OKOKOK” and shut the door. And lock it. And consider pushing the beds against it….
The next morning we met a guy at breakfast who was taking a few days vacation down here after dropping off his High School daughter on a service project in the department of Boaco. We said that we were going to “ford the river alone” to see the cnyon, and not go with a guide. He says he’s going with a guide, and it’s already paid for, and we’re more than welcome to come along. We considered it until in walked W.M.A.T.G.E. (world’s most annoying tour guide ever). He gave us some fatherly advice, and we promised we wouldn’t do anything stupid, and we went our separate ways.
It was raining the entire morning, but we still wanted to get the show on the road. It had rained like crazy the night before, so we understood the river would be pretty high and prove to be more of a challenge. We took a cab then hiked down to the river where we needed to cross. We didn’t even have to pay the entrance fee (we had no idea why, but we were relieved because we realized we didn’t have enough money anyway!). The water looked pretty rough, so we tried to walk along the banks to a more calm stop. Well, everything was just pure mud, and we were slipping everywhere. But we did apply a wonderful, rich mud mask. As we proceeded to try and find away, someone crosses the river from the other side. Good thing, because at this point, it was pouring and we actually saw the river rising. We hurried and washed off the mud masks so as not to embarrass ourselves. We watched him cross and he made it, barely. We decided at this point it would be stupid of us to cross, so we went to the road to wait for the bus back to town. It turned out to be quite the scandal that 2 soaking wet white girls got on the bus; everyone was talking about it. We got back to town, went to the new hotel, and got showered and warm.
That night we hung out with some people that worked in the hotel. While in the lobby: enter 2 young Israelis and a German girl. They explain they want the cheapest room, that the girl isn’t staying with them. On came the jokes about them too. We went out that night and made some instant friends in town. We went to a “cool” kareoke bar (no such thing in my opinion) and had fun dancing and chatting all night.
The next morning we woke up to have a redo of fording the river. We decided to perhaps devise a rope bridge so that we could safely cross. But we didn’t buy the rope, because it was too expensive, so we were just going to think quick on our feet. Before leaving, we went looking for breakfast, because at the hotel it was too expensive. And of course, in the street we ran into W.M.A.T.G.E. After a few failed attempts, up walks little Fabio. We tell him we’re looking for breakfast, so he naturally invited us to his house. We talked to his mom, told her what we wanted, and she said she’d send him with it to the hotel for us to eat there, just return the plates later. And little Fabio did just that. He brought the fabulous breakfast of beans, eggs, and tortilla right to out hotel. Such service. While we were eating, the Israelis and the German girl were talking to W.M.A.T.G.E. (he was EVERYWHERE). He was going on about blah blah blah and talking about all these ridiculous prices. We told them a cheaper way to do things, and that we were leaving on the bus at 9:30 (and that it costed a fraction of the price of a cab). Right before leaving, Alex, the hotel worker that we invited on the trip showed up. So all 5 of us went together (missing an Israeli because he had gotten sick). We got to the river and we were hounded relentlessly about guides etc. Joc and I said we weren’t willing to pay for a guide, but they were more than welcome to do whatever they wanted. We convinced them to at least just look at the river and decide for themselves. We got down to the river and met a totally jacked park ranger named Noel. He said he’d take us on a tour for 50 cords each. It was on.
The tour was WAY more awesome than I anticipated. First of all, Noel and his sidekick floated each and every one of us on an inner tube while they forded the river alongside the tube. We then had to cross the river again in a more shallow spot. It was still up to our waist, and it was really strong, but no one got carried away. We went up to 2 different breathtaking lookout points (one of which we OF COURSE ran into W.M.A.T.G.E.). After about 4 hours of hiking, Noel and his sidekick again floated us back down the river to where we entered the river. It was such an awesome day!
The next day was the anniversary of the Revolution, and all traffic went to Managua for the celebration. We had no choice but to go through Managua in order to get home. I can just say….it was packed with people and an experience I’ll never forget.
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